Bright Blue Eyes
by Lothlorienx
Summary: It truly was heartbreaking to watch Korra. Asami felt for her; every time she looked her way, she could see something withering in those bright blue eyes of hers. [Korrasami]


It truly was heartbreaking to watch Korra. Asami felt for her; every time she looked her way, she could see something withering in those bright blue eyes of her. Something was broken, and that sought so eagerly for a purpose once more. To feel safe and know who she was again.

It took everything in her power not to break down in front of her, fling her arms and her and whisper in her ear that everything was going to be okay. Asami wanted to tell he so many things, wanted to make her feel better so desperately.

But she didn't really know how.

Not truly.

Asami knew that it would take time to heal. After her mother died, she had spent months in a near zombie-like state, not really feeling anything, not really letting herself come to terms with what had happened. She just slugged around everywhere, a dead empty weight inside of her soul that she just couldn't lift.

Time would make Asami feel better, she knew when she was little.

And now, that was what Korra needed most of all. Time. And patience. Asami would give her those two things, no matter how much it hurt them both. Whenever she came near her, she did her best to give Korra her support, comfort her. Let her know she was loved.

For Asami did love Korra, she was coming to realize.

Now, as Korra looked at the woman sitting right beside her, staring out across the dark, moonlit bay with a vacancy in her eyes, she felt herself breaking down once more. Korra's eyes made her look lost, broken. Like there was nothing left inside of her.

Korra had gone through so much.

And her bright blue eyes hadn't any light inside of them. Not like she had seen them so many times before.

Asami hesitantly reached out a hand, and wrapped her fingers around Korra. Korra's hand was limp in Asami's, and she didn't acknowledge the contact. Asami's brow furrowed as she thought of what more she could do for her. Love, comfort, patience, trust.

All this would only go so far.

"Korra," Asami whispered.

Korra's eyes flickered her way. Her blue eyes met Asami's green ones, and her gaze was strange. Asami thought there was something more behind them, something that told her that she was trying her best. Trying to recover, but that it was too much to bear.

"I just wanted to let you know, I'm here for you." Asami gave her a small smile.

Korra tried to return it, but it came out awkward, with the corners of her lips twitching up once and then turning downcast once more. Korra gave a small sigh, and turned her gaze back out to the bay once more.

Asami kept her eyes glued to her, watching her carefully.

She was searching her face, trying to find some light within her eyes. The fire, the spirit, the power that drove her on and made her so fierce and ambitious. Nothing like that was there anymore. Tears started to well in Asami's eyes, but she blinked them back, determined not to cry in front of Korra.

This was about her, not Asami.

"Korra," Asami said again. When Korra made no response, she squeezed her hand, trying to bring her back to reality. "Yes?" Korra asked as soon as her thoughts left her.

So many different memories and emotions were going through her head. So many different narratives. She couldn't help but wonder what would have happened if she had done one thing differently; if she had only been stronger; if only they hadn't been tricked; if only she hadn't given herself up. If only, if only, if only...

Zaheer and the Red Lotus were still fresh in her mind, haunting her daydreams and nightmares. Only sometimes, she didn't fight back; she let it happen to her. She let the mercury seep into her veins and the breath be pulled from her lungs.

Asami's face couldn't even bring her back from the trauma in her mind.

"What are you thinking about?" Asami asked gently. Her voice was as soft as the sea breeze that ran through the temples.

"A lot of different things," Korra told her.

"Do you want to talk about them?" Asami asked her. She placed another hand on top of Korra's, sandwiching her hand with her own touch. It made Korra feel a bit better, to have the warm, gentle touch of her close friend.

If Asami could still be called her friend.

Asami seemed a million miles away to Korra. It was as if they were swimming in an ocean, deep underwater where things were slower, and it was hard to see. The strong currents kept puling her farther and farther away from her, and Korra felt like she could do nothing. She hadn't the energy to reconnect them, hadn't the strength to go after her. Korra could only helplessly watch as Asami drifted farther and farther away from her while she remained powerless. And in her own, native element.

"No," Korra said at last. "I don't want to talk about it."

"I understand." Asami rubbed Korra's hand.

The silence was agonizing. The quieter is was, the more Korra could sink into her thoughts, and drown in them just the same. Asami wanted to keep her talking, wanted Korra to open up to her and tell her all that was bothering her. She wanted Korra to be happy again.

More tears came to her green eyes, and this time a single tear did roll down her cheek. Asami turned her face away, ashamed that she had let her own hopelessness overcome her.

"Don't cry," Korra said. Her voice was so low that Asami wasn't sure if she had actually spoken. She turned her head partly, looking at Korra through some of her spilled, black tresses.

"What?" Asami whispered back, trying to speak past the knot in her throat.

"Don't cry," Korra said again, in the same monotone voice. "Please don't cry. Not on my account." Korra turned to look at Asami. Her face remained blank as she said, "I don't want you hurting too."

"It's hard not to be," Asami told her. Since she was caught anyway, she looked Korra full in the face, locking eyes with her blue eyes. Slowly, Korra pulled her hand out from between Asami's hands and wiped away her tear with a gentleness Asami had never seen before.

"I know," Korra said.

She leaned back in her wheelchair, trying to make herself comfortable. Her legs were aching so badly, and yet she couldn't even feel them. Couldn't make them move. She still had headaches that pounded inside her skull, causing her to pause and just pray that it would go away soon.

She could only imagine what it would have been like if Su Yin hadn't removed the poison. But then again, she would be dead.

At that though, Korra started to weep. Shaking her head, she buried her face into her open palm and simply cried. For she didn't know what else to do.

"Hey, hey, hey," Asami said, rushing to Korra's aid. She moved in closer to her, wrapping her arms around Korra, hugging her body to her own. "Shhh, ssshhhh, it's okay. I'm here." As Asami spoke, Korra leaned back into her embrace, welcoming the healing touch.

Asami ran her hand down Korra's hair, stroking the back of her head, like her mother had always done for her whenever she had cried. It had always made her feel so much better when she was little; safe and protected and loved. That's how she wanted Korra to feel, in this very moment. But she knew, in a thought that was more apparent, that she couldn't make her feel like that.

Not now.

And maybe not ever.

As Asami stroked her hair, Korra's tears and sobs started to ebb, becoming softer and quieter until they died away completely and the only sound left was the harsh sound of Korra breathing. Her throat was sore and raw and her eyes were burning and a new headache was coming on where the last one had faded.

Korra knew that crying solved absolutely nothing. She rarely cried, and when she did she never let her tears last for more than a minute or two at a time. But now things were different. So she let the tears flow on and on, even as she lay quietly against Asami's breast, wrapped up in her arms.

Things were watery and blurry when Korra opened her eyes once more. The yellowish lights of Republic City had blended into the black and dark blue of the night sky and the calm bay, until all Korra could see were the clashing colors.

Asami felt Korra pulling away from her. She didn't want to let her go, but if it was what Korra wanted...

She wiped the tears from her eyes with her sleeve.

Asami wanted to reach out and touch her again. That was all she felt she could do. Asami closed her eyes in defeat, not knowing what to do for Korra. She wanted to smother her with her love, but Korra wanted space. And Asami did not know how to handle both of those at once.

"Can I ask you something?" Korra whispered.

Asami opened her eyes. She didn't think she had heard Korra correctly, so it took a minute to register in her head. When it did, Asami whispered, "Sure. You can tell me anything. I hope you know that."

Asami's fingers tightened into fists before she relaxed them again. She wanted to reach out and take Korra's hand in hers. So many things she wanted to do. Korra and Asami both seemed like a broken record at this point; a repeat of embracing and pulling away, sentiments and quietness, all a cycle pattern in their wants and needs.

Korra's bright blue eyes turned to Asami once more.

"I'm glad," Korra whispered. A small sigh escaped her. "I don't know what I'm here for anymore."

"What do you mean?" Asami asked her, her voice as gentle as possible.

"I mean that-it's just that-ever since I was little, I was the Avatar. I was always the Avatar, and it was all that I ever wanted to be. That identity was so much a part of my life...and now-what if Zaheer was right? What if the world doesn't need the Avatar?"

She paused.

Asami couldn't break the silence even if she had wanted to.

"And if the world doesn't need the Avatar, then the world doesn't need me. Me, personally." Finally, Korra's words came to an end. There was nothing else for her to say. Not at that time. Korra thought that maybe she could tell Asami more, confide her feelings in her, once more time had passed.

When Asami embraced her once more, she didn't pull away. She could sense that Asami wanted to soothe her so badly, to take away all her pain. So Korra let her hug her. It was better than having to watch Asami fidget and fumble while trying not to touch her.

"I really do love you, Korra," Asami whispered to her. Her voice was right in Korra's ear, soft and gentle like the crests of calm oceans waves or the trembling of leaves in a late summer breeze.

"But please don't think that," Asami continued on. "We do need you. All of us need you. You're so much more than the Avatar; I wish you knew that."

Her words floated around in Korra's mind.

She wanted to fully believe in that, but Korra still had a gaping hole inside of her. A hole that had once been filled with a sense of sureness and purpose; it was now gone, nothing but a void of doubt and pain.

It was numbing, almost. But throbs went through Korra's body every now and then. Part of them were real, physical shots of pain, which she guessed was the aftereffects of the poisoning. But more of them were mental, random bolts that went through her and made her want to give up.

To let herself go to the Spirit World. To pass on the burden of the Avatar to another person.

More tears welled in Korra's eyes, and a broken sob escaped her throat, which just made Asami hug her harder. "Is there anything else you want to talk about?" she asked Korra. "Anything? I'm here for you..."

"Asami," Korra whispered.

Another sea breeze stirred the calm atmosphere surrounding the two women.

"Asami, I'm confused..."

But that was a lie. Korra may have been confused, but that wasn't what bothered her the most. She had lied to the woman she was beginning to love more and more, and she knew that the truth would destroy her. Just as admitting the truth to herself would destroy herself.

"Everyone's gest confused about their place in life every once in a while. That's normal. You'll be okay. Eventually, this will pass, and you'll be better again. Back to your old self," Asami consoled.

Korra shook her head, nestled within Asami's breasts.

"I don't think I ever will be my old self again," Korra replied.

"You're the strongest person I know," Asami said back. "I always thought that you were the strongest person in the world. And I still believe that. No matter what life threw at you, no matter how hard things got, you were always stronger. You always overcame your fears. I believe that you can do it again."

"I don't read a lot," Korra said. Her comment seemed completely out of the blue.

"What?"

"I don't read a lot. So I don't know how many stories there are with happy endings. I know real life, and real life doesn't always have happy endings." Korra sighed again.

She couldn't meet Asami's eyes when she said, "I think that's what hurts the most. That I'll never be the same again, that I won't have a happy ending. I need to accept that, and I don't want to. I don't want to accept that!"

"You don't have to!" said Asami. "You can make it stop. You have control!"

"The Avatar is not all-powerful after all."

Asami had to think fast, to keep her from spiraling downward into a dark void of depression once more. With her own out of the blue comment, she asked, "Do you remember the story The Spirits of Fate? Have you heard of it?"

"Yes. But I don't understand what..."

"You know how the Spirit of Fate was once one being, one entity, who controlled and saw all? It was a human-like spirit who had a face and a name and a personality. But then the Spirit of Fate chanced upon K'oh the Face Stealer, and it launched fate into chaos, and then everything didn't seem as it should."

"I think I might see where you're going with this," Korra told her. Asami thought Korra's voice sounded stronger than before; she took that as a good sign. A small smile graced her face as she embraced the Water Tribe woman once more, kissing her on the cheek.

She pointed across the faintly lit bay.

"Do you see that building? That one far off, near the tower, with the large domed roof?"

"Yes," Korra said softly, following her gaze. It wasn't a large building, but it was fairly easy to see.

"They used to perform that play there every summer. My parents and I would go and see it often, because it was such a good play. I really loved the message it sent, and I thought about it a lot after...well...everything that's happened in my life." Asami's voice wavered.

Korra was reminded that she wasn't the only one who had suffered. She looked up into Asami's face, but Asami wasn't looking down at her. She wasn't looking at anything, really, but staring off into blank space, as if seeing a far off memory playing before her.

"Fate is blind. But it is still fate," Asami said at last. Down casting her gaze, she said, "I don't think this helps any, does it?"

"I really don't know," Korra said back. She honestly didn't know, and she doubted that time would tell. Time seemed like a complete illusion now, something robbed from her.

There was no time, no present. There was only the energy in her mind, unseeing, dark, and nearly dead. It would consume her, she knew, if given the chance. There was nothing and no one, life was all a dream, and she was merely a pawn in the game of the universe.

The once powerful Avatar, who had to be the most spiritual of all people, the Bridge Between Worlds, an all-powerful and potentially all-seeing being; she had been overwhelmed by it all.

Now Korra knew how dangerous the Avatar State truly was, once she had seen the whole picture. Once she had tasted death.

"Ssshhhh, sssshhh, shhhh," Asami said, trying to lull Korra when she saw her crying once more. "Don't cry, don't cry. It's all okay. Please, be okay."

"I'll be okay," Korra told her, if only to make herself stop crying. She repeated the words in her mind, trying to make herself believe them, that she would be okay.

"It's getting kind of cold out here," Asami said, shivering as the ocean breezes swept through the temples. "Would you like to go inside?"

Korra shook her head. "No. I'll be fine here."

Asami kept rubbing her arms, looking out at the dark horizon. Korra expected her to turn and head inside any minute, but she came to realize that Asami was bearing the cold just to be near her. Asami wouldn't go back inside unless Korra would come with her, because she didn't want to leave her alone.

Korra was touched.

"Go on inside," Korra told Asami, reaching out and giving her hand a small squeeze. "Go get warm. I'll be alright here. Really."

Asami wanted to protest, to lie and say she was fine, but the second she tried to speak, she found her teeth chattering. It would be pointless to lie about being cold when the evidence was right before her. So she stood, nodding sadly, and turned to head back inside, still rubbing herself through her clothes. Beneath the warm fabrics, goosebumps were covering her skin.

Asami slid the sliding doors closed behind her, cutting the wind off.

Earlier it had been warm ocean breezes, that stifled the humidity and gave them both a breath of fresh air. But now it was cold and chilly, nipping at her skin until Asami was trembling and wishing for more layers to cover herself. She kicked her shoes off and wiggled around her toes.

Shoes weren't normally allowed inside the air temples, but stockings were, so she kept those on.

It must be close to dawn, Asami figured, since the temperature of the wind had changed, along with the direction the wind was blowing. Her stocking-ed feet tiptoed across the floor, quietly bringing her close to the mechanical clock on the far side of the room.

3:54 am

With a final glance backwards at the doors, Asami made her way back to her own room in the temple. She still had the manse to go back to, where she could live her life in luxury and necessity, but she liked staying in the temple far more nowadays. The mansion was far too empty, and too far away from everything else.

She liked staying in the small, modest room on the island. It was where her friends were, where Korra was, where most of the action happened. She was so close to everything and everyone. Her tiny, sparsely furnished room may have been smaller than one single closet back home, but she wouldn't have had it any other way.

As Asami laid down in bed, she did what Korra had done every night since she had been poisoned: simply wait for merciful sleep to come and take away all her pain.

As Korra drifted off to her own sleep, she let the peace take over, the blackness shutting out the horrors of being awake and conscious. It was blank, mercifully blank with nothing there to haunt her. And somehow, in those dreams, she met Asami, roaming the darkness and searching for her to come back.

All bright blue eyes in the dreams, and dull blue while awake.


End file.
